Between painting, sketching, drinking coffee..loving a woman in Paris, and trying to maintain a lifestyle with some disability, it can become hard to maintain presence. Yet, here i am , and i say hello to you, whomever may read this. Spring is near , let us go forth and see what is playing.

Thought this came out pretty well. From a junkyard / car shop in Arab, Alabama

Hi, it's me! doing some rearranging, so some of my photos links are busted. ...

Sunset yesterday evening here in H'ville, the Rocket City.

wasn't there a song by the Boomtown Rats called I Hate Mondays? hmm.....have to check my new wave collection....God, that seems so distant now.....1980-84....high school...new wave....anyhow.....
heh...

sunny, warm, i'm feeling pretty good. life is giving me its usual curveballs and stuff, but nothing extreme, nothing bad, and some good things! the curveball can go both ways you know.

Now I'm thinking about U2 , the album is October, released in 1981, i recall the day it came out , and where i bought the Vinyl LP .

Here is some art of mine . Acryic on Canvas 24 X 30.

Peace.

Unusually damp and cool for us Alabamians....but that ends tomorrow when it is supposed to be Sunny and 75. Perhaps a trip / dayhike on Monte Sano is in order. I'll let you know.

Whistles blow and the train arrives. People step off the train and greet friends and family. Some go alone , to somewhere.

visual post today. : )

I have been commissioned for two paintings! yea...finally heh.....anyhow....things are picking up....just dropping by...
more soon

Me and Some of my Art

I over analyze my life, what some would call "Analysis Paralysis" , you get to the point where everything is going in a million directions. anyhow, the point being...heh......i analyze my past relationships whether marriage or girlfriend. Now, looking back a year or two later, i see that i did the right thing, probably in all of them. But one , i confess, i screwed up. this was a woman who was everything i desired (physical , mental, emotional, friend, fun , loving . etc....) i screwed up. i didn't see what i had with me. i was too concerned looking ahead and too confused by machinations of my own making. yeah, so it goes back to analysis. i overanalyzed everything about the relationship and talked myself out of it and blew it. Okay, just had to let that out. it had been on my mind. i am sad though because we lost complete contact and now there is even a hostile emotional tension there. hurting each other behind and around the grapevine with words. I hate that it happened.

I wish her happiness. she deserves it. we met here on LJ...she's the only one, out of many, that i regret what happened.

-there, off of my chest!

peace.

“Those who love their own noise are impatient of everything else. 
They constantly defile the silence of the forests and the mountains and the sea. 

They bore through silent nature in every direction with their machines, for fear that the calm world might accuse them of their own emptiness. 

The urgency of their swift movement seems to ignore the tranquility of nature by pretending to have a purpose. The loud plane seems for a moment to deny the reality of the clouds and of the sky, by its direction, its noise, and its pretended strength. 

The silence of the sky remains when the plane has gone. The tranquility of the clouds will remain when the plane has fallen apart. It is the silence of the world that is real. 

Our noise, our business, our purposes, and all our fatuous statements about our purposes, our business, and our noise: these are the illusion.” 

-Thomas Merton 

Win the Superbowl! Okay, big deal, right? I had the sound turned off and was sketching and occasionally watching. Looks like the game finally got good in the 4th quarter. I'm glad Eli Manning won. Nice to see a Mississippi Southern Man hand it to the pretty boy Patriots. 




 

After a bizarre couple of weeks of uncalled for drama and attack, things are slowlly getting back to normal.
Forget yesterday, all i have is now. forget two weeks ago. forget the anger , the amazement (that people really do act in ways i thought they wouldn't), the overall feeling of being tarred and feathered by a group of hostile people. People that decided to slander me, make up lies, 
spread those lies on the internet, to each other, and convince each other that somehow this is mature and adult way to deal with a breakup of a short relationship. Bizarre . that's the only word i know of to fully encapsulate this episode of madness.

God help us all. Really. Help!

Anyhow, life is back to routine and i am talking to real people , real adults and having wow,...um........conversations that you would expect people in their 40's to have. not any, um......say.....16 year old emotional tirades...swinging dysfunctional feelings and emotions like a machete without thinking about what you are doing.

wow.
okay.
life is good.
i'm happy.
i love me.
and people like me. the ones that know me. the adults. 

-keble

 "Time takes no holiday.
   It does not roll idly by, 
  but through our senses
  works its own wonders in the mind. 
 Time came and went from one day to the next;
  in it's coming and in it's passing it brought me other Hope and other Memories."


                            -St. Augustine T

my life has been burned, slandered and spit on by the immature and hyper-emotional people all about me in the recent past.  i have fell for believing that somehow we were adults, not children.  that was my mistake.

People no longer discuss differences. much like the world in general. it's rush to battle, it's do anything to subjugate and harass. reason is tossed out the window for hyper dramatic immature emotional nonsense. Working out differences and hearing all sides of a story are thrown into the trashbin. they feed on their own negative energy and it builds into a mob mentality , where they then set off to burn and desecrate those that have oh so offended them. they think that this is the only thing in life now. Life is one big Social Bastardization Project. The pitiful portrayal of hurt emotions in the guise of victim-hood.

when life doesn't work the way they wanted or planned , they group, gather, then hunt, then burn the party that hurt them oh so badly. they read every line like a high school girl ready to jump and accuse at the cheesiest slight of hand. a group of dangerous children.

Lord of the Flies redux in Alabama and Washington. It's a dangerous world out there, i take it for granted that people are mature and will act so even when things are tough or bad. not the case.

People jump to conclusions, join together so quickly , feeding and exaggerating what little bits of information they psychotically went after so that they could blemish, burn and laugh at the accused.

Their own lives are masked in the guise of purity and innocence. they don' t acknowledge anything about themselves except the good , the affirmations they hear from their friends. They banter, gossip, yell, scream, make crank phone calls, leave childish messages, post false public information about someone that they are tag teaming so as to grind Him to the lowest ground. to push his face into the dirt and twist with their heels and pumps.

You would have thought it had been a lifetime of lies they were fed and that this person that they based their whole happiness on was not the perfect man they wanted him to be. so they spit wine on him. then they drink the rest. and again. and again. repeat until the world spins and nauseates the sane.

6 months of emails. 3 visits in person.

facts and neutral ground are discarded. no time for adulthood. there are 3 types of people and associated communication abilities and emotional maturity.

C -----> C     , Children to Children. this is the group these people fall in. they are all children so they don't see any adult perspective, nor can they be rational. they cry, pout, throw tantrums, play with their friends and laugh in mean spirited fashion.

A ---- > C Adult to Children        , This is one adult person attempts to talk to children. but children don't listen because they are selfish and don't understand anything beyond the quick , the emotional need they have. difficult or impossible to get through to.

A-----> A Adult to Adult   , this is the mature , ideal way for adults to communicate. both acknowledge positive and negative about themselves and discuss the problems they have with the other adult. it's okay to feel real emotion and have fears and anger and happiness and crying. but it is held in the context of a mature person. they tell the other person why they are angry and then the parties talk and try to work things out to a satisfying conclusion to both humans. humans, yes, with feelings and a social need. that is right and okay. but we hold hands even in our distrust and fear and we try to look honestly at the other person and honestly at themselves. then connection is made and resolution and healing can at least begin. perhaps it won't work to either ones expectations, but the key is , they tried , as adults to work it out. no yelling, digging up for dirt on the other person so that they can slander them in public to his friends and their friends. they level serious charges against the other persons character to ruin him and to humiliate him. they want revenge. they feed on the childish atmosphere of energy around them and they run rosy around the tree until we all fall down.

fuck it.  what adults have to do with these people is get as far away from them as they can and surround themselves with other real adults and continue their lives, with a clear conscious and away from the screaming rants of the immature who run and haunt those that don't play their game.

grow up people. you are not victims. you are children.

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1. Love - Development of self first priority.
Toxic love - Obsession with relationship.

2. Love - Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
Toxic love - Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)

3. Love - Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Toxic love - Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.

4. Love - Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth. 
Toxic love - Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.

5. Love - Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.) 
Toxic love - Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."

6. Love - Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Toxic love - Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.

7. Love - Embracing of each other's individuality. 
Toxic love - Trying to change other to own image.

8. Love - Relationship deals with all aspects of reality. 
Toxic love - Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.

9. Love - Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood. 
Toxic love - Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.

10. Love - Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
Toxic love - Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)

11. Love - Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship. 
 Toxic love - Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.

12. Love - Ability to enjoy being alone. 
Toxic love - Unable to endure separation; clinging.

13. Love - Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Toxic love - Cycle of pain and despair.

Love is not supposed to be painful. There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship - it is natural and healthy.  There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever - expecting it to last forever is what is dysfunctional.  Expectations set us up to be a victim - and cause to abandon ourselves in search of our goal.

If we can start seeing relationships not as the goal but as opportunities for growth then we can start having more functional relationships. A relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishment - it is a lesson. 

As long as our definition of a successful relationship is one that lasts forever - we are set up to fail. As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another person as our drug of choice.  That is not True Love - nor is it Loving.